Sympathy for the Loss of a Sibling: 60+ Things to Say

When someone loses a brother or sister, the sympathy usually goes to the parents — and the sibling is left comforting everyone else while grieving the person who knew them longest. Here are 60+ messages written for them.

Send yours in a free sympathy ecard if a posted card will take too long.

What to say when you hear

1. I am so sorry about Tom. I am thinking of you, not just your parents.
2. I am so sorry. Losing a brother is an enormous thing and I know people will underestimate it.
3. I am so sorry about your sister. No reply needed — I just wanted you to know.
4. I have no words. I am so sorry, and I am here.
5. I am so sorry. Please do not spend this week looking after everyone else.
6. Thinking of you constantly. I am so sorry.
7. I am so sorry about Sam. Whatever you need, at any hour.
8. I am so sorry. You have lost someone who knew you your whole life.
9. Thinking of you and your family, and of you especially.
10. I am so sorry. I am not going anywhere.

Heartfelt messages

1. A sibling is the only person who remembers the same childhood. I am so sorry you have lost that.
2. I am so sorry. You have lost your oldest friend as well as your brother.
3. Nobody will ever know you the way she did. I am so sorry.
4. I am so sorry. Whatever the two of you were to each other, it was decades in the making.
5. You shared a whole history with him. That does not disappear, but I know the gap will be enormous.
6. I am so sorry. Grieve this properly — it counts, whatever anyone assumes.
7. Please do not carry your parents through this on your own.
8. I am so sorry. You are allowed to fall apart too.
9. He was lucky to have you as a brother. I am so sorry.
10. I am so sorry. Take whatever time you need, and let people help.
11. With love, and with real sympathy for a loss I know people will overlook.
12. I am so sorry. She mattered, and so does your grief.

When they were very close

1. You two were inseparable. I am so sorry.
2. I am so sorry. He was your first phone call about everything.
3. The pair of you had something particular. I am so sorry it has ended.
4. I am so sorry. Not just a sister — genuinely your closest friend.
5. I know you spoke every day. That silence must be deafening.
6. I am so sorry. You two were a unit for as long as I have known you.
7. He was proud of you and made sure people knew it. I am so sorry.
8. I am so sorry. Losing him is losing part of your own story.

When the relationship was complicated

1. I am so sorry. It was complicated, and that usually makes grief harder rather than easier.
2. I am so sorry. You are allowed to grieve someone you also found difficult.
3. Whatever was unresolved, none of it makes this less of a loss.
4. I am so sorry. Complicated grief is still grief, and it deserves the same time.
5. I am so sorry. Do not let anyone tell you how you should be feeling about this.
6. Thinking of you. There is no right way to grieve a difficult relationship.

For a young person who has lost a sibling

1. I am so sorry about your brother. This is a horrible, unfair thing to happen.
2. I am so sorry. You do not have to be the strong one at home.
3. Talk about her as much as you want. I will never get tired of it.
4. I am so sorry. However you are feeling about this is allowed.
5. Losing a sibling this young is not something anyone should have to do. I am here.
6. I am so sorry. Please keep letting people help you.
7. Thinking of you. Your parents are grieving, and so are you.
8. I am so sorry. You are not on your own with this.

Offering practical help

1. I am bringing food round Thursday. You do not have to talk.
2. I will drive you to the funeral. Say the word.
3. Let me handle the calls and the messages this week.
4. I will sit with you at the service if you would rather not go alone.
5. Tell me one thing you are dreading and I will do it.
6. I am around all weekend, for company or silence.
7. I will take work off your hands. Genuinely.
8. I will keep checking in. You never have to reply.

Short messages

1. I am so sorry for your loss.
2. Thinking of you.
3. Here for you, always.
4. So very sorry.
5. No words. Much love.
6. I am so sorry. I am here.
7. Holding you in my thoughts.
8. With love and sympathy.

How to write it

1. Write to the sibling, not only the parents. They are routinely the least supported person in the family.
2. Say the name. People stop saying it almost immediately, and that silence is its own loss.
3. Do not tell them to be strong for their parents. They will already be doing it, and it is not your instruction to give.
4. Acknowledge the shared history. Siblings lose their childhood witness, which is a specific and under-recognised grief.
5. Come back in a few months. Support drains away fastest for siblings once the funeral is over.

Send it

A free sympathy ecard arrives the same day. See also what to write in a sympathy card and condolence messages:

FAQ

What do you say to someone who has lost a sibling?

Say you are sorry, use the sibling’s name, and make clear you are thinking of them specifically rather than only their parents.

Why is sibling grief often overlooked?

Attention naturally goes to parents and spouses, and siblings frequently take on a supporting role — which leaves their own grief unattended.

What should you avoid saying?

“Be strong for your parents”, anything ranking whose loss is greater, and anything beginning “at least”.

What if their relationship was difficult?

Acknowledge that complicated grief is still grief. Unresolved relationships often make loss harder, not easier.

What is a good short message?

“I am so sorry about Tom. I am thinking of you, not just your parents.”

When should I check in again?

After the funeral and again a few months later, when everyone else has returned to normal and they have not.