Funny Wedding Wishes: 45+ Lines That Are Actually Funny

Funny wedding cards are a minefield. The jokes that come to mind first — ball and chain, last night of freedom, hope you know what you are signing up for — are tired and faintly insulting to at least one person reading. Here are 45+ original lines that are actually funny and will not land you in trouble.

Send yours in a free congratulations ecard.

Funny wedding wishes that work for anyone

1. Congratulations! You have found someone who tolerates your taste in television. Do not let go.
2. Congratulations on legally upgrading from favourite person to next of kin.
3. Congratulations! Marriage: choosing who you will disagree with about temperature for the rest of your life.
4. Congratulations! Today everyone claps for you. Enjoy it — this does not happen again.
5. Congratulations! You have both agreed, in front of witnesses, to keep doing this. Bold.
6. Congratulations! Wishing you a long marriage and a short washing-up rota.
7. Congratulations to two people who are finally out of the planning phase.
8. Congratulations! From now on every argument has an audience of one and no referee.
9. Congratulations! May your wifi be strong and your in-laws be far away.
10. Congratulations! Statistically you have just made your best-ever decision on a Saturday.
11. Congratulations! Here is to a lifetime of pretending to like each other’s friends.
12. Congratulations! You have merged your streaming accounts. There is no going back now.

For a couple who have been together for years

1. Congratulations! After all this time, an actual date to remember. You are welcome, everyone.
2. Congratulations! Married at last, and only a decade after we all started assuming you were.
3. Congratulations! Nice of you two to finally do the paperwork.
4. Congratulations! You have been an old married couple for years. Now it is official.
5. Congratulations! The relationship has been in beta long enough. Good to see it launch.
6. Congratulations! Some couples rush in. You two conducted a thorough review.
7. Congratulations! We knew. We have always known. Lovely day, though.
8. Congratulations! Finally something to put in the calendar.

Funny lines from a friend

1. Congratulations! I have known you a long time and I fully approve of this decision, which I appreciate you did not ask about.
2. Congratulations! Delighted for you both, and delighted to no longer hear about seating plans.
3. Congratulations! You have upgraded considerably. Say nothing, just nod.
4. Congratulations! I promise the speech is short, kind, and only ninety per cent true.
5. Congratulations! Still your best friend, now with significantly less responsibility.
6. Congratulations! Thank you for marrying someone we all like. It could have gone either way.
7. Congratulations! Great wedding, great couple, questionable dance floor ahead.
8. Congratulations! You two make this look easy, which is deeply annoying.

Funny lines from family

1. Congratulations! Welcome to the family — it is too late to read the reviews.
2. Congratulations! We are thrilled, and we are also now your problem.
3. Congratulations! You have officially inherited all of us. Sorry.
4. Congratulations! A wonderful match, and a considerable relief.
5. Congratulations! Gaining a son-in-law and losing a spare room. Worth it.
6. Congratulations! We like you, which we do not say often. Take it and run.
7. Congratulations! Proud of you both, and mildly worried about the dancing.
8. Congratulations! Welcome aboard. The Christmas rota is non-negotiable.

Short funny wedding messages

1. Congratulations! Excellent choice.
2. Congratulations — no refunds.
3. Married! Well done, you two.
4. Congratulations! Bold and correct.
5. Congratulations! Finally.
6. Great wedding. Better couple.
7. Congratulations! Approved by all.
8. Congratulations! Nailed it.
9. Congratulations! Here we go.
10. Married. Excellent work.

What never to joke about in a wedding card

1. Ball and chain, prison, or losing freedom. Tired, and it insults the person being married to.
2. Exes, previous marriages, or how long it took. Cards get read aloud to a table.
3. The cost of the day. Someone in the room paid for it.
4. Children, or when they are coming. You do not know what is going on privately.
5. Divorce odds, jokes about the honeymoon ending, or “good luck”. Not the day for it.

How to land the joke

1. Aim at the couple, not at marriage. Teasing them is affectionate; teasing the institution is a cliché.
2. One joke, then something warm. A card that is only funny reads as though you could not be bothered.
3. Only use in-jokes both of them get. Otherwise half the card is wasted.
4. Read it back as if their parents will see it. They probably will.

Send it — and pair it with a gift

A free congratulations ecard works if you cannot make the day. See also wedding wishes for a friend and funny messages for every occasion:

FAQ

Is it OK to be funny in a wedding card?

Yes, if the joke is aimed at the couple affectionately rather than at marriage generally. Pair one funny line with one warm one.

What jokes should I avoid?

Ball and chain, last night of freedom, divorce odds, cost, exes, and anything about when children are coming.

Can I be funny if I do not know them well?

Keep it gentle and general — “Congratulations! Excellent choice.” Save the sharper material for close friends.

What is a good short funny message?

“Congratulations! Excellent choice.” Short, warm, and impossible to misread.

Should the funny card still say something sincere?

Yes. End with one genuine line — it is what stops the card reading as a throwaway.

Who reads these cards?

Usually both partners, often their parents, sometimes the whole table. Write accordingly.