Dementia: 45+ Things to Say to Them and Their Family

Dementia is a loss that happens slowly, in front of everyone, and there is no card aisle for it. Here are 45+ messages for the person and for the family carrying it.

Send yours in a free thinking of you ecard, or post a card — something physical is easier to revisit.

For the person with dementia

1. Thinking of you today. Much love from Anna.
2. Hello from Anna. I was thinking about our holidays in Devon.
3. Just a note to say I am thinking of you. Love, your niece Anna.
4. Thinking of you and sending love. I will visit on Sunday.
5. Hello! It is Anna. I will come and see you next week.
6. Thinking of you today. You taught me to bake — I still use your recipe.
7. Sending you love. Anna, from next door.
8. Hello from all of us. We are thinking of you.
9. Thinking of you. Looking forward to seeing you soon.
10. Much love from Anna and the children.

For the family or carer

1. Thinking of you. I know this is a long road.
2. How are you doing? Not her — you.
3. I know you are grieving someone who is still here. I am so sorry.
4. Thinking of you all. This is one of the hardest things there is.
5. No expectations from me. Just letting you know I am around.
6. Thinking of you. Please do not disappear into this on your own.
7. I am here for the whole of it, not just the difficult weeks.
8. Thinking of you. You are doing far more than anyone sees.
9. Whatever this looks like next, we are here.
10. Thinking of you today. Ring me any time.

Acknowledging the slow loss

1. Grieving someone who is still alive is a real thing, and nobody names it. I am naming it.
2. You are allowed to be sad about the person she used to be.
3. This is a bereavement that keeps happening. I am so sorry.
4. You have lost a great deal already. That counts, even though she is here.
5. It is allowed to be exhausting and heartbreaking at the same time.
6. You do not have to be grateful for the good days to grieve the bad ones.
7. I know the person you are missing. I miss him too.
8. There is no right way to feel about this.

Practical help

1. I am coming Sunday so you can leave the house. Take the whole afternoon.
2. Let me sit with him for a few hours this week.
3. I am doing your shopping. Send a list.
4. I will drive to the appointment and wait with you.
5. Bringing dinner Thursday. No need to talk.
6. Let me handle the forms and the phone calls — I am good at those.
7. I will come at the same time every week. You can plan around it.
8. Tell me one thing you are dreading and I will take it on.

At the end

1. I am so sorry. You have been losing her for years and it still hurts today.
2. I am so sorry. You looked after him extraordinarily well.
3. Relief and grief at once is normal. Be kind to yourself.
4. I am so sorry. She was well cared for right to the end, and that was you.
5. Thinking of you. Remembering him as he was, and as he became.
6. I am so sorry. The grieving started long ago and that does not make today easier.

Short messages

1. Thinking of you.
2. Much love from Anna.
3. Here whenever.
4. No reply needed.
5. Thinking of you all.
6. Sending love.
7. Not going anywhere.
8. Ring me any time.

How to write it

1. Sign with your name and how they know you. “Anna, your niece” removes an anxious guessing game.
2. Use the present tense and keep it simple. Short sentences, one idea each, no long news updates.
3. Do not test them. Avoid “do you remember?” — it turns a card into an exam.
4. Write to the carer separately. They are grieving someone still alive and are rarely asked how they are.
5. Keep sending them. A card that gets reread several times is doing more work than you think.

Send it — and pair it with a gift

A free thinking of you ecard works for the family; a posted card is often better for the person themselves. See also chronic illness support and thank-you messages for a carer:

FAQ

What do you write to someone with dementia?

Something short and warm, signed with your name and how they know you. Avoid asking whether they remember things.

Should you still send cards?

Yes. A physical card can be picked up and reread many times, which is something a phone call cannot offer.

What do you say to the family?

Acknowledge that they are grieving someone still alive. That recognition is rarely offered and consistently valued.

What should you avoid?

Memory tests, long complicated news, and correcting them. None of it helps and all of it distresses.

What is a good short message?

“Thinking of you today. Much love from Anna.”

What helps a carer most?

Regular, predictable time off. A standing weekly arrangement is worth more than any number of one-off offers.