Bereaved by Suicide: 45+ Things to Say

Suicide loss carries a grief that other bereavements do not — guilt, unanswerable questions, and often a silence from everyone around. Saying something imperfect is far better than saying nothing. Here are 45+ messages.

Send yours in a free sympathy ecard if post will take too long, and follow it up in the weeks afterwards.

What to say when you hear

1. I am so sorry. I do not have the words, and I am not going anywhere.
2. I am so sorry about Tom. Thinking of you constantly.
3. There is nothing right to say. I am so sorry.
4. I am so sorry. No reply needed — I just needed you to know I am here.
5. I am so sorry. Whatever you need, at any hour.
6. I am so sorry. Please do not carry this alone.
7. Thinking of you and your family. I am so terribly sorry.
8. I am so sorry. I will keep checking in, and you never have to answer.
9. I am so sorry. There is nothing you could have done differently.
10. I am so sorry. However you are feeling is allowed, including the complicated parts.
11. I am so sorry about Sarah. She mattered, and she still does.
12. No words. Just love, and I am here for as long as this takes.

Heartfelt messages

1. This was not your fault. I know you will not believe that yet.
2. You did not miss something obvious. Nobody did.
3. I am so sorry. Anger, guilt, relief — all of it is normal and none of it is wrong.
4. He was more than how he died. I will remember all of him.
5. I am so sorry. Please let people carry some of this for you.
6. You loved her well. That was never in question.
7. I am so sorry. There is no version of this you could have prevented.
8. Whatever you are feeling today, it does not need justifying to me.
9. I am so sorry. Grieve this however you need to, for as long as you need to.
10. With love, and with more sorrow than I know how to put down.

Remembering the person

1. I keep thinking about how funny he was. I am so glad I knew him.
2. She was kind to me when she did not have to be. I will not forget that.
3. Tell me about him whenever you want. I will never get tired of it.
4. I will keep saying her name for as long as you want to hear it.
5. He was loved by a great many people, and he still is.
6. I want you to know that other people loved her too.
7. I think about him often and I always will.
8. He was a whole person, and that is how I remember him.

Practical help

1. I am bringing dinner Thursday and leaving it at the door.
2. I will handle the phone calls and the messages this week.
3. Let me drive you to anything you need to get to.
4. I will come and sit with you. No talking required.
5. Tell me one thing you are dreading and I will do it.
6. I am taking your work off your hands. Genuinely.
7. I am free any hour, day or night. That is not a formality.
8. I will keep turning up whether or not you reply.

Weeks and months later

1. Still thinking of you. I know everyone else has gone quiet.
2. Thinking of you this week. I have not forgotten what month it is.
3. Just checking in. No occasion, no reason.
4. A year on and I still think about him. I imagine you do every day.
5. Thinking of you around his birthday. I remembered.
6. Still here. Still happy to talk about her whenever you want.
7. Thinking of you this Christmas especially.
8. Nothing needed. Just letting you know I am still around.

Short messages

1. I am so sorry.
2. No words. Much love.
3. Thinking of you.
4. Here for you, always.
5. I am so sorry. I am here.
6. Holding you in my thoughts.
7. So very sorry.
8. Not going anywhere.

What never to say

1. Any reference to it being selfish or a choice. This is the single most damaging thing said to bereaved families.
2. Asking how they died. The method is not yours to know and never yours to ask.
3. “Were there signs?” or “did you know?” Both land as accusations, however they are meant.
4. “At least they are at peace now.” It offers comfort by endorsing the death.
5. “Everything happens for a reason.” There is no reason, and suggesting one is cruel.
6. Saying nothing at all. Silence is what suicide-bereaved families overwhelmingly report as the hardest part.

How to write it

1. Say the person’s name. People avoid it after a suicide more than after any other death.
2. Say it was not their fault, and expect not to be believed. Say it anyway, more than once.
3. Remember the whole person. A suicide can swallow everything that came before it — you can help stop that.
4. Ask nothing. No questions about circumstances, no request for a reply.
5. Keep coming back. Support after a suicide drops away faster than after any other bereavement.

If you are struggling yourself

If you or someone you know is in crisis, contact your local emergency services or a suicide prevention helpline in your country. Bereavement by suicide also has dedicated support organisations in most countries, and they are worth contacting — the grief is genuinely different and specialist help exists for it.

Send it

A free sympathy ecard arrives the same day. See also what to write in a sympathy card and anniversary of a death messages:

FAQ

What do you say to someone bereaved by suicide?

Say you are sorry, use the person’s name, and say it was not their fault. Then stay — the silence afterwards is what families find hardest.

What should you never say?

Anything calling it selfish or a choice, any question about the method or the warning signs, and anything beginning “at least”.

Should you mention how they died?

No. Let the family raise it if they wish. Asking puts them in an impossible position.

Is it too late to say something weeks later?

No — later messages are often the most valued, because by then almost everyone else has stopped.

What is a good short message?

“I am so sorry. I do not have the words, and I am not going anywhere.”

Is this grief different?

Yes. It usually carries guilt, unanswered questions and stigma alongside the loss, which is why specialist bereavement support exists for it.